COMMUNITY BOARD
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I’m going to Philly next week! If you have recs, please send them my way. Otherwise, I will just go to the Liberty Bell and the Yowie Hotel
This week’s title was my response to a friend’s request that I be excited about the eclipse, that I demonstrate a little bit more interest in THE UNIVERSE.
At the beginning of this week, I found myself feeling giddy, writing in a note on my phone: “Kicking my feet at spring.” I felt intoxicated by how all the trees were BLOOMING even though, all of sudden, every part of me was itchy and irritated. The lovely weather, paired with the growing pressure of a semester coming to an end, put me in the kind of mood that had me pre-planning which of my upcoming classes I was going to skip. Before the weather turned mid-week, and we were treated to cloudy skies and rain, I already felt drained.
I’ve sort of felt like an exposed nerve for the last few weeks, which is maybe why I teared up yesterday at the overwhelmingly supportive response to a showtime performer on the train. (His advice: every artist should make a song about God. Unspoken, and likely not implied, it’s up to you to decide what God is.) When he first entered the train car and placed his speaker on the ground, I couldn’t help but laugh and attempted to keep reading Erasure. But as more people got into it and his energy increased, I felt like I had to pay attention, as a sign of respect or something. I can’t remember any of the songs he performed—they didn’t move me like they clearly moved other people—but I loved how delighted everyone was, how he seemed to be touching people in ways that surprised them. The experience was one of the moments that made me think, cornily but truthfully, wow I love New York (which has been happening a lot lately).
Other recent moments of pleasure/delight: bumping into friends when I’m feeling like a lone wolf; the surprise of being made pleasantly breathless by a book that I expected to be an uphill battle;1 Timothée Chalamet’s face in Wonka (even when it was cringe, there was something endearing about how seriously he was taking it); my sister being in town; congregating with a group of friends to craft, color, and chatter; the cardamom buns from La Cabra.2
I’ve been feeling inspired by RAFTM Michelle Santiago Cortés’ recent guest dispatch, particularly her practice of setting a seasonal program for consumption: “I assign myself a theme and I read, listen, and eat with the seasons.” That, alongside, Katie Merchant’s recent “Ballet Blog,” lit a fire in me to produce some kind of moodboard that would be a touchstone as I move through the spring and summer. Something to ground me when I feel like I’m losing my head (although sometimes losing your head can be good). I couldn’t really put anything cohesive together, but here’s some of the stuff that I keep repeating (in conversations and in my notes):
My wound existed before me, I was born to embody it.3 The truth is in the future.4 Ethics = affecting and being affected.5 If you hit a wall, surrender. We don’t know what we are capable of.6 I must hold in balance the sense of the futility of effort and the sense of the necessity to struggle; the conviction of the inevitability of failure and the still the determination to ‘succeed’—.7 Acknowledge the bruising.8 a shaped wound.9 What kind of animal do you become when you’re researching/writing/thinking?10
It’s a moment for me, as this time of year usually is, when it feels like there’s no time or that every minute is already accounted for. Even so, as the next few weeks unfold, I hope to slip in moments to: rewatch Moonrise Kingdom, see Challengers (I am not ready to give Josh O’Connor up to the world), finish Erasure (which is more brilliant than I can explain), see friends and drink wine in the park, and maybe have a cathartic cry.
Thanks for reading! Q&A coming next week (still time to send in questions if you’d like)!
It’s Specters of the Atlantic by Ian Baucom. Truly a nerdy moment for me to be getting feral over this half history, half literary criticism book about finance capital, the transatlantic slave trade, and historical time but it’s that good!
They have the BEST pastries!
Joe Bousquet (a Stoic) by way of Deleuze.
Foucault by way of my professor, Ann Pellegrini.
Deleuze reading Spinoza.
A professor, Ben Conisbee Baer, said something akin to this last semester in a discussion about Marx’s ideas regarding individual development in Capital.
F. Scott Fitzgerald, “The Crack-Up”
Maureen N. McLane, on a panel about scholarly and creative practice.
Larry Rivers quoted in Olivia Laing’s Funny Weather
My professor, Andre Lepecki, asked something to this extent in a recent class.
Wow the story about the train performance. I’m so envious that you get all these NYC *wow I’m here* moments!
loved this issue so much!!!!! made me remember that i also need to rewatch moonrise kingdom soon 💕